Is positivity overrated?

I read an article recently in The Psychologist (Feb 2017 issue) titled “The downsides of positivity” by Kate Sweeney. This got me to thinking – is positivity overrated?

There were a number of things in the article which resonated with me. So I’d thought I’d share my point of view on the issue.

We see it all the time online. Especially with bloggers, leaders and influencers about remaining positive. Focusing on the good things in life, and only showing that positive side to yourself. There are god knows how many books on amazon teaching you the ways of positivity, and so positivity has become a booming business.

Now I’m not saying I’m a negative person. However, there are times where I find it extremely difficult to be positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I guess I am a naturally glass half empty kind of girl. We are told this is a bad thing. Kate Sweeney identifies a number of areas in her article which you can read here so I have put some of my own thoughts against them.

https://pixabay.com/en/positive-be-positive-smile-smiling-725842/

Being unprepared for hard times

Let’s face it, life can be a complete bitch sometimes. I know people who are totally positive all the time Not only is this annoying, but when life throws them a curve ball they tend to do one of two things;

  1. Completely fall apart as they don’t know how to handle it or;
  2. Plaster on a fake smile, pretend everything is ok and carry on living in denial

Are you seriously going to tell me this is healthy behaviour? No it isn’t. I tend to go with the whole prepare for the worst, hope for the best approach which has served me well. Yes some people may berate me for thinking that nothing good is going to happen. But do you know what, when the worst does happen (because life likes to knock you sideways sometimes) I am prepared for it. It does not come as a big shock. I hurt for a little and then I pick myself up, brush myself off and move on.

During my time studying with the Open  University, I constantly prepared myself for a crap grade, when more often than not I would score highly. And it was never that I was not confident in my ability, it was more about protecting myself from disappointment. Friends and colleagues would always tell me not to worry about it as I always do well. But they don’t know the hours and hours of work put into it, or how many times I’d cry through frustration when the words just wouldn’t come out, or how picky that particular tutor is. By preparing for the worst, when the best happened it was like having a little victory every single time. That is a much better feeling that thinking you have nailed it only to find out you haven’t.

Bad for your love life 

Admitting that things are not rosy in your relationship can be the key to fixing them. Phil and I have been together for 9 years and our love story has not always been peachy. Things have got rough at times, and with the help of counselling we have managed to fix them. But if either of us pretended everything was ok, or that it would all work out in the end, I reckon we would be long separated.

Now, neither of us have seriously messed up in our relationship – no cheating or anything like that. But we both have times where we annoy the hell out of each other. If we overlooked this, or ignored them, we would probably end up feeling really unhappy and resenting the other person. Positivity can go a long way in maintaining a relationship with another person, but it cannot be the only thing that keeps it together.

Not great for friendships 

Anyone that knows me, will know that if they ask for my advice, they will get a real, non sugarcoated answer. I will not tell you what you want to hear (unless it’s what I also think). You will get the truth and the truth only. Don’t get me wrong, this has caused a few hiccups over the years with friends that have come and gone, but I won’t lie or be fake. I pride myself on being realistic, and genuinely helping those I care about through whatever situation it is that they are going through. And I hope my friends appreciate this too. I’m not nasty when I give advice, if I know it might hurt the other person there are ways of wording things into a softer approach, but it will always be the truth.

When I am going through something, or feeling upset and get told ‘oh don’t worry, it will all work out in the end’ by one of my positive friends, this comes across as both annoying and patronising. Not only that, but I feel like overly positive people tend to have a blind spot when being empathetic (which is discussed more in the article). If you constantly have this rosy outlook on life, how on earth can you support someone who is really going through the mill?

A marker of poor mental health 

Mental health is a bit of a buzzword at the moment. No longer is it a taboo to admit that you have depression, anxiety etc which is amazing. But why does no one notice the mental health ramifications of being positive? The article explains this in more detail, but in brief, people who strive for happiness are often the most unhappy of them all. And I wholeheartedly agree with this.

Everyone should just relax with the positivity and let themselves feel whatever it is they are feeling, and deal with it in a way that is healthy.

https://pixabay.com/en/feel-word-letters-scrabble-1804600/

I don’t like to think of myself as a negative person – maybe that’s how I might come across. I prefer to think that I am realistic, that I accept that sometimes, life just isn’t going to go the way you want it to go, and that’s ok. It’s ok to cry, to have weeks where you just feel like you want to quit everything. It doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you HUMAN.

I will leave you with this song by Baz Lurhman – which sums up my approach to life – and you should listen to him too – especially about wearing sunscreen.

Do you have any thoughts on positivity? Do you feel it is overrated like I do, or are you a forever optimist? Let me know in the comments below.

Bye for now.

xKx

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Share the loveShare on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on TumblrPrint this page
  • SHC

    Ry powerful Article today mAte. I resonate with you about being prepared for the worst and hope for the best too. What really stands out for me though is allowing myself to feel whatever I Am feeling. For example this week I have been really low on energy and trying to be Mrs positive is so draining. Sometimes we need to be reminded it’s ok to be a bit down or low on energy. Thanks for remindIng me of that 🙂

    • diaryof30something

      Thanks S. I totally get that. I’ve also had a really rough week, and I just had to admit defeat, that I needed to hide myself away for a few days and come out the other side. It’s totally ok to feel down, tired and peed off and letting yourself feel that is a far healthier option that plastering on a fake smile and powering through xx

  • I’m naturally quite an optimistic person although I’d perhaps describe myself as more of a realist as I’ve got older. I definitely don’t go through life blindly believing that everything is fine but I don’t imagine the worst either. Somewhere in the middle. I do believe in prepare for the worst and hope for the best and probably spend a little more time hoping for the best than preparing for the worst, if that makes sense. I’m not Little Miss Positivity though – I moan too much for that, haha!

    • diaryof30something

      Middle ground is definitely the best ground to be in. We all need a certain amount of realism in our lives if we are to be able to cope when things get tough – and they do – when you least expect it. x

  • Love this!! Finally someone speaks a bit more sense.. It’s natural to have ups and downs and it’s important to acknowledge that!! It would be great if life was perfect and we could.be positive all the time but we do have to be realistic. X

    • diaryof30something

      Thank you lovely 🙂 Life is a shitter sometimes – and by having realistic expectations we can deal with it in a semi healthy way! xx

  • As soon as I saw your tweet advertising this post I knew I was going to love it. I saw your tweet this morning, saved the tweet and made sure I came back to read it this evening.

    I can’t believe how much I was nodding the whole way through this. I am a realistic person. I don’t think I’m negative either, and I often try to approach this with positivity, but when I am approaching things with positivity it is not blind optimism. It is calculated, I’d have already assessed everything that is likely to go wrong, so I’m prepared for what might not go to plan.

    I too get frustrated when people brush things off with expressions of “it’ll all be ok”, or “it’ll all work out” etc. To me it feels like the person doesn’t actually care. Like when a person asks “how are you?” out of habit but they don’t actually care about the response.

    If someone tells me something they’re afraid of/ worrying about etc I agree that it is something worrying/scary but… and offer a possible solution / a way that it might not go badly etc.

    I also agree wholeheartedly that being who approach everything in life thinking it will all go swimingly are often left incapable of handling life when something doesn’t go to plan.

    My motto has always been the same as yours – prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Loved reading this post… I’m going to go and find that follow button now…

    • diaryof30something

      Wow Hazel. Thank you so much for the lovely comment. It’s nice to know other people are totally on the same page as me. Makes me feel less like a grumpy 30 year old and more like a normal person xx